February 10, 2025
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Seven Principles of Marriage

Seven Principles of Marriage

Seven Principles of Marriage provide a foundation for couples to build a strong, lasting relationship through effective communication, mutual respect, and emotional connection.

Marriage is a journey that requires ongoing effort, love, and communication to thrive. Based on Dr. John Gottman’s research in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, couples can build lasting, fulfilling relationships by applying essential principles to their daily interactions. Here’s a closer look at these seven principles of marriage and how you can incorporate them into your marriage.

1. Enhance Your Love Maps

A “love map” refers to the mental space in which you store important information about your partner’s life. From their dreams to their worries, knowing these intimate details helps you stay connected.

How to apply: Regularly ask your partner about their thoughts, emotions, and aspirations. Stay curious about their evolving self, even as years go by. Knowing your partner deeply creates a strong foundation of understanding.

2. Nurture Fondness and Admiration

Fondness and admiration are essential for a long-lasting marriage. It’s easy to get caught up in life’s stresses, but showing appreciation for each other helps sustain positivity.

How to apply: Frequently express your admiration and gratitude. Highlight your partner’s positive qualities and reminisce about good memories together. Keeping these positive aspects front of mind helps safeguard against negativity.

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3. Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away

Marriage is built on small, everyday interactions. When your partner makes an emotional bid—whether through conversation, a hug, or a shared activity—respond by engaging and turning toward them, not away.

How to apply: When your partner seeks your attention or affection, be responsive. Even simple acts like checking in during the day or offering a smile can strengthen your bond. Consistently turning toward each other builds trust and connection.

4. Let Your Partner Influence You

Healthy marriages are marked by mutual respect and open-mindedness. It’s important to allow your partner’s perspectives and needs to influence your decisions, and vice versa.

How to apply: Practice compromise and seek input from your spouse when making decisions. Respect their opinions and be willing to adjust your stance. Couples who share power are more likely to thrive.

5. Solve Your Solvable Problems

Not every marital problem is solvable, but tackling those that are can reduce overall tension. Solvable problems often arise from miscommunication, daily stress, or lifestyle habits.

How to apply: Approach conflicts with a mindset of resolution. Use calm and clear communication, avoid blaming, and focus on finding practical solutions. Addressing issues before they fester ensures smoother communication and less friction.

6. Overcome Gridlock

Gridlock occurs when couples repeatedly argue about the same issue without resolution, often because it stems from deeply held personal values. While you may not be able to “solve” gridlock, you can manage it.

How to apply: Acknowledge that gridlocked issues are usually about unexpressed dreams or personal values. Engage in open, non-judgmental discussions to understand the root of the problem. Even if a solution isn’t possible, understanding your partner’s position can reduce frustration.

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7. Create Shared Meaning

A healthy marriage isn’t just about getting through the day-to-day. It’s about building a shared sense of meaning, goals, and purpose that deepens your connection.

How to apply: Establish rituals, traditions, and goals that represent your shared values. Whether it’s family dinners, weekend getaways, or working towards common dreams, creating shared meaning fosters a deeper bond.

By incorporating these seven principles of marriage, you can strengthen your relationship and cultivate lasting love. Marriage is not about avoiding conflict but learning to navigate challenges with mutual respect, empathy, and understanding. With commitment and consistent effort, these principles can serve as a guide to building a resilient and joyful marriage.

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