Being Aromantic in a Marriage

Being aromantic in a marriage requires open communication and mutual understanding  as partners navigate emotional connections and relationship expectations in a way that respects individual identities and needs.

When we think of marriage, romance is often front and center—candlelit dinners, love letters, butterflies in the stomach. But what if your experience of love doesn’t align with romantic attraction at all? For aromantic individuals—those who experience little to no romantic attraction—marriage can still be a fulfilling, committed relationship, even if it doesn’t look like the cultural ideal.

Being aromantic in a marriage may seem contradictory to some, but in reality, it’s simply a different way of experiencing and expressing love. This blog explores what it means to be aromantic in a marriage, how such partnerships can thrive, and why diverse expressions of love deserve validation and respect.

What Does It Mean to Be Aromantic?

Aromanticism exists on a spectrum, but at its core, it means not experiencing romantic attraction—or experiencing it in a limited or non-traditional way. This doesn’t mean aromantic people are incapable of love. They may feel deep affection, commitment, companionship, or even sexual attraction. But the hallmark of romantic “sparks” or longing typically isn’t there.

Aromantic individuals may seek different types of relationships—platonic life partnerships, queerplatonic bonds, or yes, even traditional marriages.

Can Aromantic People Get Married? Absolutely.

Marriage isn’t a one-size-fits-all contract. For some aromantic individuals, marriage is about building a shared life with someone they care deeply about. It might be rooted in:

• Emotional intimacy
• Shared goals
• Practical partnership
• Mutual respect and trust
• Co-parenting or raising pets
• Sexual attraction (for some)

The key is that both partners are on the same page about what marriage means to them.

Challenges Aromantic People May Face in Marriage

1. Cultural Expectations: Society often idealizes romantic love as the cornerstone of marriage. An aromantic spouse might feel out of step with these norms or pressured to perform romantic gestures that don’t feel authentic.
2. Miscommunication: If one partner is alloromantic (experiences romantic attraction), there may be mismatched expectations around affection, emotional expression, or romantic bonding.
3. Internal Doubts: Aromantic individuals may wonder if they’re “doing marriage wrong” or feel insecure about their ability to fulfill their partner’s emotional needs.
4. Lack of Representation: Aromantic experiences in marriage are rarely depicted in media, which can lead to feelings of isolation or invisibility.

Keys to a Healthy Aromantic Marriage

1. Radical Honesty: Both partners need to communicate openly about their expectations, needs, and definitions of love and intimacy.
2. Rewriting the Script: It’s okay to design your version of marriage—whether that means no anniversaries, no grand romantic gestures, or sleeping in separate beds. Love is not limited to roses and poems.
3. Affirming Each Other’s Experience: If one partner is alloromantic, they mustn’t view the aromantic partner as cold or distant—just different. Respect and understanding are crucial.
4. Building Intimacy Your Way: Shared hobbies, deep conversations, acts of service, or physical touch (if desired) can all be meaningful ways to connect.

When Both Partners Are Aromantic

Two aromantic individuals may find a beautiful bond in a marriage free of romantic expectations. They might prioritize companionship, long-term commitment, intellectual intimacy, and shared goals. These marriages can be deeply fulfilling and enduring, even if they don’t follow the Hollywood narrative.

Love Beyond Labels

Being aromantic in a marriage doesn’t mean settling or pretending. It means loving differently—authentically, honestly, and meaningfully. Every marriage is unique, and no rule says romantic attraction is the only glue that holds a partnership together.

Every type of love, including the quiet, steady, and deeply ingrained love of an aromantic spouse, can be cherished by questioning social standards and making a place for a variety of experiences.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about Being Aromantic in a Marriage

1. Can aromantic people fall in love or get married?

Yes! Aromantic people may not experience romantic attraction, but many still desire deep, meaningful relationships—including marriage. Their love may be expressed through companionship, loyalty, shared values, and emotional or physical closeness. Love comes in many forms—not just romantic.

2. Why would an aromantic person choose to get married?

Marriage can offer stability, partnership, legal benefits, and a shared life—things that aren’t exclusive to romance. An aromantic person might marry a best friend, a queerplatonic partner, or even someone they love in a non-romantic way. The connection is just as valid as any romantic bond.

3. Can a marriage between an aromantic and alloromantic person work?

Yes, but it takes open communication and mutual understanding. Both partners need to respect each other’s emotional needs and boundaries. Compromises may be needed around romantic gestures, intimacy, and expectations. With effort and empathy, these marriages can thrive.

4. Is aromanticism the same as a lack of emotions or affection?

Not at all. Aromantic people do feel love, affection, joy, and emotional intimacy—they just don’t feel romantic attraction. Many are affectionate and deeply caring in their own ways. Being aromantic doesn’t mean being cold or distant.

5. What does intimacy look like in an aromantic marriage?

Intimacy can be emotional, intellectual, physical, or spiritual. It might involve deep conversations, shared life goals, cuddling, teamwork, or sexual connection (for those who are not asexual). Aromantic marriages often redefine intimacy beyond typical “romantic” gestures.

6. What are common challenges aromantic spouses face in marriage?

Some challenges include mismatched expectations (especially in mixed-orientation marriages), cultural pressure to perform romance, and lack of representation. But with strong communication and understanding, many couples navigate these differences successfully.

7. How can society better support aromantic people in marriages?

By normalizing different expressions of love, reducing the overemphasis on romance, and representing diverse relationships in media and education. Respecting that not all marriages are romantic helps everyone feel included and affirmed in their unique experiences.